oy

one of the habits i want to leave behind is comparing myself to others.  what a weakening activity.  awareness, acceptance, action: means it is good that i am becoming more acutely aware of the many ways i do this.  (true confession: i actually just looked at how many FB friends a woman had and felt deflated!  talk about ego!!!)  acceptance means as i become aware of all the ways i do this, i accept and love myself not an iota less.  action?  hmm.  i can say that i won't do it anymore, but i sense there is more to it than that.  some inner shift that needs to happen, at once subtle and immense.  like moving a mountain with a hearty sneeze.

you tell me: have you conquered/overcome/ renounced/ dissolved....a habit, whatever its nature?  how?

Quitting Doubt, etc

My dear friend, Chris, selectively sends me links to a variety of inspirational speakers and sites.  So this morning, i clicked my way to Sam Crowley* speaking with GREAT enthusiasm about the power of quitting.  Towards the end of his very animated video blog, I noticed tears welling up in my eyes when he said very encouragingly: become addicted to your passion. I could feel the longing to get out of my own way.

Sam gave the homework of making a list of things we want to quit.  I noticed myself writing at the top of my list: I quit doubting, then paused.  I have made that statement, or at least felt that intention, countless times.  I edited my reply to read something like: I quit letting doubt keep me from moving forward.  I quit fearing my doubts when they arise.

Would love to go further and find a creative, transformational way to embrace doubt (will contemplate this more and welcome you, my few sweet readers to share your reflections!!!)

Also wrote:
I quit comparing myself to others as a way to belittle myself.  instead i choose to notice what i admire and if/how i might wish to incorporate those qualities or aspects into my life.

i quit thinking i have to do it all myself.  (This latter intention leads me to some thoughts and a conversation last night about "mentoring," which will merit another post.

Btw: i cannot yet recommend or not recommend Sam Crowley.  definitely an interesting perspective i will check out a bit further.  stay tuned.

With gratitude for your presence,
A.

A Moment of Transparency

A family member directed a big dose of pent up anger toward me in a hastily written email today.   What grace to have realized, as I read her note, that her angry outburst actually had little to do with me.  I sensed that her anger (a kind of temper tantrum) erupted from a cache of frustration.  What grace to see this without judging her—or me, which would have been falling into an old, familiar (hopefully rusty and defunct) trap. Once upon a time, I would have taken this individual's resentment personally and let it upset my stomach, my balance, and my day.  Today, although I got a little shaken for a few minutes by the explosion, I pretty quickly found my way back to balance.

As I recognize and take loving responsibility for my own fears (many absorbed as a child), the more I am able to discern and feel compassion for the unconscious fears that dictate the projections of others.  Once upon a time, I did not know that I had a choice not to react to the actions and reactions of others. Now I do know.  

Today instead of reacting to anger with anger, I stepped back.  I spoke my truth in the situation clearly without defense or blame. Then I offered a prayer on behalf of the other person that she might see and be freed from her own inner demons—those limiting fears and beliefs it might be of benefit to illumine with the light of her conscious awareness.  

In my life, transformation has resulted from shining the light into my shadowy places so that love, discernment and wisdom can take the reins and lead the way.